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  • cowboycaleb 6:28 pm on 15/05/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: australia, clothes, france, observations, rantings, the gap   

    There Is A Gap In My Thought Process 

    Last weekend, in anticipation of my 9 day vacation to Australia, my wife decided to drag my ass to The Gap@Wisma Atria where she bought me an entire new wardrobe of clothes because ‘you haven’t bought a single shirt in 6 months’. I noted she bought a fair bit of rags herself.

    While I do not look forward to the prospect of walking around like a 24 year old kidult with clothes that declare there must be some ‘Gap’ everywhere, I look forward even less to the prospect of going to Australia.

    Australia is like this fucking place that you feel you’ve already visited, because everybody and their uncle has been there and can’t wait to tell you about it. Hell, I already feel like I’ve been to Melbourne because everybody has been there and are full of good advice on where to eat, get a blowjob and shite.

    I mean c’mon. If somebody tells you that they are going to Australia, do you get excited?

    I was so unexcited that I didn’t even bother to borrow a book from the national library on Australia.

    *** Side story ***
    After we left the Gap, I don’t know why but the very aura of kidultiness at the damned store must have addled my senses because I went out a bought of all things, a messenger bag called “A Moderate Embarrassment’ from Crumpler. The kidult sales boy-girl at the store said it would fit my NEX-5N, a netbook and plenty of condoms.
    *** End of Side story ***

    Instead, I got a Lonely Planet book on France because while I’m vacationing in Australia, I’m going to use the time to plan for my real vacation in fucking France. Hardly anybody has been to France and even if they have, they can barely pronounce the names of the places they visited so they’re too embarrassed to talk about it.

    France, fucking yeah!

     

    • cakie 6:52 pm on 15/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      am going to aussie as well and I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU. bah.

    • Collin Ong 4:48 pm on 18/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Not only does any holiday down under excite me as much as visiting my neighborhood NTUC. Its the only western country I feel unwelcome with experiences and looks of “dirty asian immigrants” from the locals.

    • Château Sucker Rare-wine collectors are savvy, competitive guys with a taste for impossible finds. The biggest hoax in history took place right under their noses. Or, I love it when the Indonesian Chinese guy almost gets away with it. (1)


  • cowboycaleb 5:59 pm on 15/05/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    Applying to join the Chinese Communist Party 

    Words fail me. Who says Chinese propaganda is dead?

     

  • cowboycaleb 12:23 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    I’m confused. Hollande is now in charge of France? Hhahhahahaha

    Citation
     
    • The frequent fliers who flew too much
      "I can't even remember when I cracked 10 million," said Vroom, 67, a big, amiable Texan, who at last count had logged nearly four times as many. Rothstein, 61, has notched more than 30 million miles. (0)


  • cowboycaleb 12:14 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    Perhaps A Sex Change Operation Is The Answer 

    I am writing this from a hotel room somewhere where I am attending yet another event that I have no idea what I am expected to do. This is something that I have been trying not to do anymore but seem to have wound up doing once again.

    It was a major pain in the ass to get up early in the morning, make my way to the airport and then resume my beauty sleep on the plane. What was even more incredible is that I was woke up by the pilot’s announcement that we had arrived 30 mins early. Seriously, how does that happen? Did the pilot have a heavy foot that morning? Was the plane a little too light as there were not many passengers. If we land 30 mins early, most people will not be picked up by their drivers and have to go find a fucking cafe somewhere to sit while they wait.

    *** FUCKTARD PILOT!!! ***

    Anyway.

    Yeah so I’m agonizing over planning my European vacation itinerary. For obsessive-compulsive people like me, failing to plan is akin to planning to waste a shitload of money on gambling with your vacation time.

    The problem is that my wife really wants to visit Paris (to shop, what else) and I really want to visit Prague to see charming castles and other forms of architecture no longer practiced.

    Unfortunately, I booked a Sing-London (and vice-versa) flight. The problem is that if you lay down on your back, raised your head and looked at your erect penis, Paris would be your left testicle while Prague would be your right testicle but London is the tip of your penis head. They are not exactly conveniently located close to one another and will involve various modes of transport like overnight trains and lousy smelly budget airplanes to connect.

    I would draw a picture of it for you, but I suspect most of you already know what cock and balls look like, so I shall refrain.

    I don’t have much expectations for Europe. Churches and museums are dead boring. Really. To me, the fun is actually in the journey there. I want to piss in a urinal on a train going at 125kmph and see if it affects the arc. I want to take a lift up the Swiss Alps and fart to see if it smells sweet. Why do I want to go to Denmark? Because Lego is cheap there.

    That kinda shite.

    Ok I gotta run for lunch now.

    Edit: Somebody emailed me to say that London could only be the tip of your penis head if you had a curved shaft. My response – How did you guess the shape of my penis, asshat?

     

    • RN1209 12:45 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Ok, i don’t see how removing your penis would make London any closer to either Paris or Prague…

      • cowboycaleb 3:33 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

        another way, is to insert penis into something

    • Gingerbreadman 2:56 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      Dude you have a problem. Your cock is slanted way too much to the left. Go see a cock doc in london.

      • cowboycaleb 3:34 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

        the G-spot is usually a bit to the left leh

  • cowboycaleb 11:04 pm on 03/05/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    Being Young 

    The video above is a message from Henry Rollins to young people. I thought it was really great and very apt for Singaporeans.

    I was sitting in a 5 star hotel lounge the other day sipping a drink. At a table nearby were a bunch of youngsters. I think they couldn’t have been more than 17 years old and the threads that were hanging off their shoulders were like branded all the way. The way they spoke about travelling and having fun was absolutely cosmopolitan. Everything about them smelt like daddy’s money.

    After I did what I needed to do at the hotel, I went back to my car and drove to a McDonalds’ drive-through (because while martinis are very nice, they really are no substitute for a meal) and I got served by another teenager that had pimples and looked like shit. I thought to myself that he was probably working to pay his tuition next semester because Daddy had gambled it all away at the Sands.

    When I was a teenager, I had no money. Whatever money I had was for tuition and then I worked nights and during my semester breaks. I did not whine about it. I envied the fuckers who partied on Daddy’s money at Zouk (do kids still go there) but other things occupied my mind.

    If you are young and penniless. If your mom’s a total mahjong slut and your daddy drives a taxi. So what?

    This is what you are now. It’s not some kind of prison.

    You can change it.

    I am 33 this year and I wish I was 23 all over again. Because if I was, I would work twice as hard. Hell, I’d work three times as hard. I wish I had not wasted so much time partying and trying to ‘find myself’.

    But time flows in one direction. So in order to regret not working hard enough at 43, I am going to bust my ass at 33.

    How old are you, bitch?

     

    • YuNz 11:07 pm on 03/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      26 going on 27, and penniless.

    • RN1209 12:44 pm on 07/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      That’s really good advice… bitch:)

    • cakie 7:04 pm on 15/05/2012 Permalink | Reply

      if i don’t find myself now WHEN CAN I FIND MYSELF?????? O CURVED COCK TELL ME

  • cowboycaleb 11:06 pm on 26/04/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    Stolen Time And Other Shennadigans 

    Today was one of those days where people you really respected somehow were proven to be vulnerable and you kinda feel sad for them to the point where it paralyzed your day so you got nothing done at all which made you guilty so you went out and bought 2 expensive bars of chocolate which you absent-mindedly left in your car and parked in the hot sun so it melted and you didn’t get to eat any of it which made you even more sad and then you get home and the friggin internet is not working so you have to use your iPhone’s 3G instead which of course is wobbly at best.

    One win today was that I finally got to scratch an itch that I have been unable to reach ever since I had hair on my balls. When I was about seven or eight years old, I watched a movie that I thought (at the time) was incredible. For years after that, I longed to watch it again but could not remember the title and only remembered fragments of it.

    Then, I had a dream one night that I was seven (or eight) years old again and watching it in my first house (where I grew up) and when I woke up, I remembered that the plot was about a young heroine who was fighting a group of evil men who stole time from people and used time to roll cigarettes which they would smoke all the time.

    So I googled “men smoking cigarettes made from stolen time” and lo and behold, the intarwebs is a wonderful thing because I found out the title of the movie is “Momo” which incidently was written by the same bloke who wrote “The Neverending Story”.

     
    • He’s Just Not That Into Anyone
      Why would I, a healthy guy in his thirties, need to fake an orgasm? It was mystifying. I wasn’t on antidepressants, which I’d heard could decrease sensation. I got plenty of exercise. It didn’t seem to matter which woman I was with, or what kind of condom we used, or whether I’d downed one glass of whiskey or ten, or if we listened to Neil Young or Al Green, as I learned through trial and error (mostly error). (1)


  • cowboycaleb 5:33 pm on 18/04/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , recommendations, timetravel   

    Primer, an awesome movie made available on youtube 

    Primer is an indie movie about time travel that ends up mindfucking you.

    I watched it a long time ago (I think it was 7 years ago) and today discovered that it’s available, in its entirety online thanks to youtube.

    Viva la the Intarwebs.

     

  • cowboycaleb 10:47 am on 17/04/2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: kids, parenthood, ,   

    Lessons Learned For A Pair of Young Parents 

    In a moment of insanity, my wife and I decided to go on a holiday with another young couple and we would bring our young children. My daughter is 1.9 years old and their son is 3 years old.

    The whole point of the journey was to see if our kids would be able to behave themselves during their very first plane ride ever so that we could plan future holidays to far-flung places.

    Here are some lessons that we learned (the hard way).

    1. Kids are okay with planes but don’t read to them because although they cannot read yet, it does induce motion-sickness.
    2. Kids hate plane seat belts.
    3. While on holiday with kids, plan for as few places to visit as possible. This is because a lot of time will be spent along the way to change disposable nappies, drink milk etc.
    4. It’s a really bad idea to drink any form of alcohol during lunch or dinner if your kids are around. Your reflexes are crucial to preventing them from knocking their heads or falling down and alcohol just makes you slow and stupid.
    5. There is no way to get out of the hotel after the kids are asleep to go clubbing or just visit a pub. No fucking way.

    Seriously, taking our kids out was fun but I would not do this again until my daughter is 6 years old.

     

    • Gingerbreadman 6:06 pm on 17/04/2012 Permalink | Reply

      I’ve mentally prepared myself to have no vacation for the next 5 years

      • cowboycaleb 5:34 pm on 18/04/2012 Permalink | Reply

        but you have grandparents right?

    • Gingerbreadman 9:36 am on 20/04/2012 Permalink | Reply

      have. But don’t want to trouble them…..yet

  • cowboycaleb 9:32 pm on 14/04/2012 Permalink | Reply  

    Krispy Kreme Forevar 

    Krispy Kreme Forevar by cowboycaleb

    There are many doughnuts but only one krispy kreme.

    No longer available in Singapore or Hong Kong, its still available in Kuala Lumpur at an incredibly seedy mall.

     
    • Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?
      Social media—from Facebook to Twitter—have made us more densely networked than ever. Yet for all this connectivity, new research suggests that we have never been lonelier (or more narcissistic)—and that this loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill. A report on what the epidemic of loneliness is doing to our souls and our society. (1)


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